The Reverend Jones shocked the congregation when he
announced his resignation from the church and planned move
to Arizona.

After the service a very distraught parishioner came to the
pastor with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Pastor Bill, we are going to miss you so much. We don't
want you to leave!"

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said, "Now, now,
Liz, don't carry on so... The pastor who takes my place
might be even better than me."

"Yeah", she sobbed, "That's what Pastor Mike said when he
left!"
-----------------------------------------------------------

How do you treat those in spiritual authority over you?

Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken
unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering
the end of their conversation. -Hebrews 13:7

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Ladies hostel warden calls electricity office & complains:

Aaj to aadmi bhej do,

ladkiyan 3 din se mombatti se kaam chala rahi hain

A fat electrician while having sex asks her wife:

Bolo priye tumhe kya gam hai?

Wife: Swami Load Jyada aur Voltage kam hai

Dear subscriber ur sex balance is low. Ur account will be

put into virginity mode so please refuck as soon as possible

to keep ur account open

Girl: Arey itna bada! Munh mein kaise daloongi?

Boy: Jaldi munh kholo!

Girl: Oops, sare kapdey giley ho gaye.

Boy: Aur logi?

Girl: Na baba, yeh golgappe tum hi khao

Judge: So, when did you realise that you were raped?

Prostitute: When the cheque bounced!

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector.

Friend: How was ur first night?

Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed,

200 for wrongside entry and

Rs 500 for no helmet

A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.

Her husband sent telegram to her parents -

Meena First Class in Bed!

Ladki aur chai mein hamesha 6 qualities honi chahiye:

Garam ho, Tez ho, Meethi ho, Doodh jyada ho,
5 minute mein taiyyar ho, and

Raat bhar sone na de

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left,
her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if
you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following
the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is
faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.

With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some
months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future
husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he
took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier
girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was
pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He
also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one
room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with
a little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with
repidition. "MMM...his 'that one' is still new and hard.... all
wrapped up in plastic, mum!"

Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated.

When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the
second, "Oh my! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"

The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can
they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!"

Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and
cold, too!"

TWO OLD INDIAN MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE
TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT
THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD INDIANS AND WHISPERS TO HER
MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN
EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY
GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD INDIAN MEN GO UPSTAIRS
AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY
GIRL WAS DEAD!"

"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."

HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."

"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"

"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE
HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."

wife is similar to restaurant

Some times good service

some times bad service

Some times no service

Some times Self service

It was professor smith's first day at st. Johns medical college as a
faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a
classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm
welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He
said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me
ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and
said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its
original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she
replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I
am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight
around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who
could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his
hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go
ahead.

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye".

The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned
back to Suzie and said: "look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you
a couple of things:
(1) You lack knowledge
(2) you have a dirty mind and
(3) Your Expectations are too high !!!!!!!(10 times..........huh......MY GOD!!)

GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from
sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat
grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You
will be a DONKEY!'

The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too
much, give me only 20 years!' and GOD gave him 20 years.

GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you
will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you
will live 25years, You will be a DOG!'

The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10
years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to
branch you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live
20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'

The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only
10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

Finally,

GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational
being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control
other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20
years.

The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not
enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused,
the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY
refused ?'

That was exactly what GOD did, and since then:

MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30
years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back. Then,
when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the
house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires
and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from
children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren!