Exam == Kalyug,

Classes == Kabhi Kabhi

Viva == Encounter

Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret

Examiner == Mrityudata

Course == GodZilla

Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon

Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak

Question Paper == Paheli

Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz

Marks == Ashambhav

Paper Out == Plan

Cheating == Aksar

Last Exam == Independence Day

Result == Sadma

Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar

Fail == Devdas

Vacations == Masti

Supplementary == Aakhri Rasta

One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping
towards a water hole.

The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on
another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a
rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the
only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes.
Bear, you can go first."

The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I
wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.

The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the
bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and
roared the engine.

The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic
items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the
bike.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish
that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."

A tailor was at work. He took a piece of cloth and with a pair of
shining, costly, scissors, he cut the cloth into various bits.

Then he put the pair of scissors at his feet. Then he took a small
needle and thread and started to sew the bits of cloth, into a fine
shirt. When the spell of sewing was over, he stuck the needle on to
his turban.

The tailor's son who was watching it asked him: "Father, the scissors
are costly and look so beautiful. But you throw them down at your
feet. This needle is worth almost nothing; you can get a dozen for an
anna. Yet, you place it carefully on your head itself. Is there any
reason for this illogical behaviour?"

"Yes, my son. The scissors have their function, no doubt; but they
only cut the cloth into bits. The needle, on the contrary, unites the
bits and enhances the value of the cloth. Therefore, the needle to me
is more precious and valuable. The value of a thing depends on its
utility, son, not on its cost-price or appearance."

Similarly, there are two classes of people in the world-those who
create dissensions and disharmony, who separate man from man; and
those who bring about peace and harmony, who unite people.

*******
The former are generally the rich people, powerful politicians and
kings; the latter are generally the poor devotees of God, the
penniless wandering monks, and mendicants. The Lord makes use of both
to carry on his function of providing the field for the evolution of
individual souls. He throws down on the dust the mighty kings and
millionaires who create wars and disharmony; and He keeps the poor,
pious devotee over His own head. In His eyes the scale of values is
entirely different!

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."

"Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."

 

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."

Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

एक दंपत्ति अपनी शादी की चालीसवीं वर्षगांठ मना रहे थे। संयोग से उस दिन पत्नी का साठवां जन्मदिन भी था। उस रात उनके घर में एक परी प्रकट हुई। उसने उन दोनों से कहा कि वे दोनों इतने लम्बे समय से बड़े प्यार से रह रहे हैं जिससे वह बहुत खुश है। परी ने कहा कि वे उससे एक एक वरदान मांग सकते हैं।

पत्नी, जो कि अपने पति से बेइंतहा प्यार करती थी, ने परी से कहा कि वह अपने पति के साथ दुनिया की सारी मनोरम जगहों की सैर करना चाहती है, पर उसके पास इतने पैसे नहीं हैं।
परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और पत्नी के हाथ में हवाई जहाज के टिकटों से भरा लिफाफा आ गया।

अब मांगने की बारी पति की थी। उसने एक मिनट सोचा फिर बोला - ''ईमानदारी से कहूं, तो मैं अपने लिये अपने से 30 साल छोटी पत्नी चाहता हूं।''
परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और .......... । पति महोदय तुरंत 90 साल के हो गये।

Previou

पति-पत्नी आपस में बातें कर रहे थे।
पति - ''मेरे लिये 11 का अंक हमेशा ही शुभ रहा है। 11वें महीने की 11 तारीख को 11 बजे हमारी शादी हुई। हमारे मकान का नंबर भी 11 है। एक रोज मुझे 11 बजकर 11 मिनिट और 11 सेकण्ड पर किसी ने बताया कि आज बड़ी रेस होने वाली है। मैंने सोचा कि मेरे लिये 11 के नम्बर में जरूर चमत्कार छिपे हुये हैं, मैं गया और 11वें नम्बर की रेस के लिये 11 वें घोड़े पर 11 हजार रूपये लगा दिये।''
पत्नी - ''और घोड़ा जीत गया ?''
पति - ''यही तो रोना है! कम्बख्त 11वें नम्बर पर आया!''

एक वृद्ध दंपति को लगने लगा कि उनकी याददा6त कमजोर हो चली है। यह सुनि6चित करने के लिये कि उन्हें कुछ नहीं हुआ है, वे डॉक्टर के पास गये।
डॉक्टर ने बारीकी से उनका परीक्षण किया और बताया कि उन्हें कोई बीमारी नहीं है। बुढ़ापे में इस तरह के लक्षण स्वाभाविक हैं। उसने उन्हें महत्वपूर्ण कार्यों को लिखकर रखने की सलाह दी ताकि वे कोई जरूरी काम न भूलें।
वृद्ध दंपति ने डॉक्टर का धन्यवाद किया और घर चले गये। उस रात को टीवी देखते समय पति उठकर कहीं जाने लगा तो पत्नी ने पूछा - ''कहां जा रहे हो ?'' उसने जवाब दिया - ''रसोईघर में''। ''मेरे लिये एक कप चाय लाओगे ?'' - पत्नी ने कहा। ''ठीक है, ले आऊंगा।'' ''मेरे खयाल से तुम इसे नोट कर लो नहीं तो भूल जाओगे।'' पत्नी ने कहा। ''नहीं भूलूंगा, प्रिय'' - पति ने जवाब दिया। ''ठीक है, मेरे लिये कुछ खाने को भ्आना। जैसे अालू चिप्स'' । ''ठीक है , ले आऊंगा।'' ''मुझे लगता है तुम लिख लेते तो ठीक था। कहीं भूल न जाओ।'' पत्नी ने फिर आग्रह किया। ''नहीं भूलूंगा प्रिय । मुझे तुम्हारे लिये एक कप चाय और आलू चिप्सहै । ठीक है ऌतना तो मैं याद रख ही सकता हूं। ''

लगभग आधे घण्टे बाद पति महोदय एक कटोरे में आइसक्रीम और एक प्लेट में आमलेट लेकर हाजिर हुये। पत्नी यह देखते ही आग बबूला होते हुये चिल्लाई - ''तुमसे कहा था कि लिखकर ले जाओ वरना भूल जाओगे। बताओ मेरे आलू के परांठे कहां है ?''

An south Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, "My Sin", "Desire", and "Ecstasy". She says to the salesperson, "I don't want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice."

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.

When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "

I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."

When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers.

I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret.

He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"