Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?

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A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. How can you tell if a man is sexually exited?

A. He's Breathing.

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The importance of UNITY explained at its best:
Wat did one leg of a woman tel d other?
UNITED v r saved, Divided v r F*cked!

I rather get pregnant thn havin a tooth filled
Dentist:Decide fast so tat I can adjust d chair accordingly.

Q: Why do men whistle wen they r sitting on d toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember
which end they need to wipe.

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Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST?

Girl: Enough to help a Man's boneless thing stand up.

1: How come your husband is coming home early now a days?

Lady 2: Bcoz i have started a new rule.

Lady 1: What is it?

Lady 2: Sex will be started sharp at Nine whether he is here or not.

A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to
teach sex education.

She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn't think she
would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she
changed her mind as the alternative was to be fired.

On the first day of school she drew a woman's body on the blackboard,
pointed to the chest and asked the class �
Does anyone know what this is called?�

Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered �
It's called a breast and my mommy has two of them!�

Very good said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board,
pointed to the groin, and asked �Does anyone know what this is
called?�

This time Billy raised his hand. �I know what it is! It�s called a
�penis� and my daddy has two of them.�

�That�s the right name,� said the teacher, but I don�t think your
daddy has two of them.�

�Yes he does!� said Billy. �He has a little one that he uses to pee,
and big one he brushes mommy�s teeth with!�

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the
frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for
certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went
down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the
person�s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often
each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to
ear.

�Twice a day,� the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man
said no. �Once a day, then?� Again the answer was no. �Twice a week?�

No.�

Twice a month?�

No.�

When the doctor asked, �Once a year?� the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadn�t worked with this
individual, and he asked the man, �What the heck are you so happy
about?�

The man answered, �Tonight�s the night!�

Lady to Doctor: Baccha nahin hone ke liye koi dawai di jiye
Doctor: ye lo condom
Lady: Ise "Dudh" ke sath lu ya "Pani" ke sath?
Doctor: ise "Kele" ke sath lena. samjha

A mother hears a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom, so
she opens the door and finds her daughter naked on the bed with a
vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" the mom asks.

"I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest
I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.

Later that same week the father hears the humming noise and finds his
daughter with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest
I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.

A few days later the mother hears the humming noise coming from the
den, so she bursts into the room (quite annoyed) and is surprised to
see her husband sitting on the couch, watching TV with the vibrator
buzzing away next to him.

"What in God's name are you doing?" she asks.

"I am watching the game with my son-in-law!"

1) Asthmatic - ah.ahh.ah..ah.

2) Obedient - yes.yes..yes.

3) Unsatisfied - more. more...more.

4) Religious - oh god. oh god. Naughty

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after
the procedure, he�s perturbed to see several doctors standing around
his bed.

'Son, there�s been a bit of a mix-up,' admits the surgeon.

'I�m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a
sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.'

'What!' gasps the patient. 'You mean I�ll never experience another erection?'

'Oh, you might,' the surgeon reassures him. 'Just not yours.

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she
took him aside after class one day.

'Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?'

'I'm in love,' replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, 'With whom?'

'With you!' he said.

'But Little Johnny,' said the teacher gently, 'don't you see how silly
that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want
a child.'

'Oh, don't worry,' said Little Johnny reassuringly, 'I'll use a condom!'

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked,
waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'

The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'

She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her
daughter walks in.

'Mother, where do babies come from?'

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and
Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their
bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the
daddy puts his penis in the mommy�s v*gina. That�s how you get a baby,
honey.'

The child seems to comprehend.

'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had
daddy�s p*nis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?'

'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'

Three friends, one Bengali, one Punjabi and one Tamil were travelling in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE ?"


First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep aside it."


Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose. Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. through it".


Third and last turn was of Punjabi, "Wife is like a casette. Listen it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".

Boobs pe dalo honey and ice
boobs ban gae very nice
boobs boobs...boobs boobs

bitha ke tub me lo boobs ki chuski
pekar doodh door karo khuski
boobs boobs boobs boobs

boobs ko chuso kar do lal
dil me na rahe koi malal
boobs boobs boobs boosb

boobs se tum jam ke khelo..
nipplon ko bhi muh me le lo
boobs boobs boobs boobs

bra me banao apna home
boobs hain ye nahi hain dome
boobs boobs boobs boobs

boobs ko pakdo kar do mash
nikal ke doodh banao squash
boobs boobs boobs boobs

boobs se karae agar koi malish
door kar de even uski falish
boobs boobs boobs boobs
i luv girls boobs very much
i want 2 tell u tat
u r so sexy sexy sexy ssexy

Want a free iPod. Yes, FREE! No, you will not get a free ipod from my site. You'll get a free iPod jokes instead

Mom: Why is your hand in your pants?!
Me: I was just 'shuffling'
Mom: What, right here?
Me: No, you don't understand! It's my iPod!
Mom: iPod, what is that?
Me: It is a small white thing, you know, girls will go crazy to have one free.
Mom: What! (She fainted)