Mallu jokes are here

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?

In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?

He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?

To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in

Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?

To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught

fire?

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?

MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?

Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to
America ?

He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office

everyday?

An Oto

11) Where does he pray?

In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?

A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?

Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and
re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?

He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say

'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?

" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football

teams ?

Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of

kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of

Benana

Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of

BROGUN

bones....

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Bahooo aik gair mard ke sath sari raat ghar se bahar rahi, aur saas NE kuch nahi kaha !! Kyon?
-
-
Sooncho
-
-
My bataoon
-
-
Kyon ki saas bi kabhi bahoo thi !

Can u think

2+5=11 , kaise aye?

Socho-Socho

Nahi maluum?

Thoda aur dimag lagao

Abhi bhi nahi?

OK let me tell u k kaise aye

Are buddhu itna bhi nahi jante..

"GALTI SE"

Ai mere kadardan, Dost meri Jaan,

Tum hamesha rahoge hattekhatte nawjawan

Kyounki…. Khuda meherbaan to Gadha PAHELWAAN…..

1st gadha-yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hu vo mujhe bahut marta hai.

2nd gadha-TU ghar chodd kar bhaag kyo nahi jata ?

1st gadha-kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut sunder ladki hai.vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki teri shadi is gadhe se kar dunga.bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hu.

One Sunday morning a Merriam knocked on Billy's bedroom door

"It's time to get up and go to church," she said.

"I'm not going to church this morning," Billy replied.

"You gotta get up and go to church."

"No, I can't!"

"Yes you can!"

"No, they don't like me and I don't like them. Just give me
two good reasons why I need to go," Billy stated emphatically.

"Number one," replied Merriam, "You're a mature 55 years old
and number two, you're the pastor!"
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Sharab wala : kyon ro rahe ho?

Sardar : aur kiya karon? Main jis larki ka naam bhulana chata hoon. Us ka naam yaad he nahi AA raha.

Larka : hum 25 bhean bhai hain.

Larki : kiya aap k ghar family planning wale nahi aate?

Larka : aaye tahe schol samjh k vapas chale gaye.

Ek admi ki car se parrot takra k behosh hogaya.

Admi parrot ko ghar Le gaya pinjre main rakha aur khana diya.

Parrot hosh se jaga aur bola "aila jail? Car ka driver mar gaya kiya?"

In art gallery : couple sees picture of a girl covered by leaf.

Husband was keep watching her.

Wife : AB chaloge bhi ya Hawa k aane ka intezar karte raho gey?

:):):):)

The questions are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

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Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

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Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

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Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

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She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:.
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

&

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN YOUNG:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about SEX:
"How do you think you got here?"

My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."

My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because
I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a new venture...............

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If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a new law..................

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If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a new invention.............

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If a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a new fashion..................

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If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a new theory..................

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If a STUDENT makes a mistake, it is a "MISTAKE" !!!!!!!!!!!!!