At age 5 success is not peeing in your pants
At age 10 success is having friends
At age 16 success is having your driver's license
At age 20 success is having sex
At age 35 success is having money
At age 50 success is having money
At age 65 success is having sex
At age 70 success is having your driver's license
At age 75 success is having friends
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants
A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing
with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you
have any idea how ridiculous you look?
What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says,"I don't care. I
just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the
breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up," she replied
Duniya Gol Hai:-----Chuha Billi se darta hai,
Billi Kutte se darti hai,Kutta Aadmi se darta hai,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai,Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.!
Duniya Gol Hai..
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Ek sharabi marne laga tab bhagwan pratyaksh hoke "koi antim ichcha?"
sharabi- agle janam me ek liver extra laga dena....!
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Ek macchar ek takle ke sar par ja baita...
Dusra macchar bola:- Waha kya ghar dunda hai..
Pehla macchar bola:- Ghar kaha re abi to sirf PLOT karida hai...
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Boy to girl:Hey if i climb this coconut tree, I can see Engg college
girls.
Girl:Leave both the hands from there, U can see medical college girls..
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Judge-is sardar ke dono kan kaat do.
Sardar-nahin mai andha hojaunga.
Judge-kan katne se andha kaise hoga?
Sardar-chashma kya tere baap ke kan pe lagaunga
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Sardarji went to his neighbours house for function & had some snacks.
Sardar: CHAKLI Kitna different & tasty hai!
Neighbr: wo CHAKLI nahi, MOSQUITO COIL hai....
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Teacher: U idiots! At your age Einstein ranked first in class. Wt abt
u..?
Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide..! Wt abt u..?
What women want in a man at age 22:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What women want in a man at age 32:
1. Nice looking (preferably with hair)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What women want in a man at age 42:
1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What women want in a man at age 52:
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What women want in a man at age 62:
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What women want in a man at age 72:
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
A boy said to his mother, "I want to be early at school this afternoon
so that I can sit in the front seat. We are going to have a lesson on
sex."
When he returned later in the day, the mother asked the boy if the
lesson had interested him, as he seemed somewhat disappointed.
"Pooh!", the boy replied. "It was all theory."
Sexy nurse: Every time I take this patient's pulse, it seems to beat
faster. What shall I do doctor?
Doctor: Just blindfold him!
Answer: Take its genes off.
There was suddenly a very high pitched scream from inside the
operating room in the hospital... and then the annoyed doctor's
voice...
"Nurse! I said take off the patient's spectacles... not...!"
Answer: Men's toys cost more money.
Girls, ladies and women - Do you know what he actually means when he
says something? ...Read between the lines...
When he says: I don't mind dropping you home everyday!
He means: At least some day you will invite me in for coffee and maybe more...
Due to a major power fault, the entire building housing a ladies
hostel went into a total blackout. But in spite of repeated complaints
to the regional electricity office for three days no electricians were
sent for repair. Tired of complaining repeatedly without any result,
on the fourth day, the ladies hostel warden again called up the
electricity office and pleaded...
"Please send some men by today at least, the girls have exhausted
themselves doing with candles, for the past three days!"
What is a mobile?
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Sharam karo iska answer bhi MSG me dhoond rahe ho..... Haath me kya TAMBURA pakad rakha he!!!
Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .
Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".
Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"
1.We will do it" means" You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means" More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means" We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means" Its not
getting done "At least not tomorrow!".
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views"
means" I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means" We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means" I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means" We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight
extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot
deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means" We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I
can help you" means" Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means" Well even if
you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means" Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important, your leave is always granted.
Just ensure that the work is not affected," means," Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means," I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means" You are in trouble"
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are
customer complaints.
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic
is when both are pregnant.
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever!!!"
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st:
Forget mine.
Lets find yours!! :)