Train mai ek husband apni wife say: "tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon."
"dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon"
Samnay wala passenger bola: "bhao bhao"
What is the different between chew gum and begum?
Both r sweet at the beginning and become shapeless tasteless n sticky at the end.
~~~~~~~~~
Oye sardar ji your friend is kissing your wife in your house
Sardar ji ran towards home and came back saying: oye khotia aiwaen chakkar pawaya,
He is not my friend. :p
~~~~~~~~~
Bush and Musharraf were flying in a plane.
Bush says: if I drop a billion dollars here
I'll make a million people happy.
Musharraf: if I drop my uniform.
I'll make my whole country happy.
Plane's Pilot: if I drop the plane.
I'll make the whole world happy.
~~~~~~~~~
Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women?
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.
"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all.
I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling..... ....... My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
TEACHER: baccho Wada karo kabhi cigaratte, sharaab nahi piyo GE..
BACHE: nahi piyain GE
TEACHER: gals ka peecha nahi karoge, na hi unhain chedo GE..
BACHE: nahi karain GE
TEACHER: or desh pe apni jaan qurbaan ker do gey..
BACHE: ker dain GE. Aisi zindagi ka or kerna b kya.
~~~~~~~~~
Train mai ek husband apni wife say: "tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon."
"dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon"
Samnay wala passenger bola: "bhao bhao"
~~~~~~~~~
Wife : mere iraday baray neek hain, aap 1000 mai ek hain.
Sardar : mera dimag bara taiz hai, pehlay ye Bata baki 999 kon hai?
~~~~~~~~~
Sardar looked himself in mirror and said:
Is ko kahain dekha hai. Then he said:
Oye yaad aya, ye to who he kamina hai Jo
Shaadi ki album main meri biwi k saath hai :p
~~~~~~~~~
----------
Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell
me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a
new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new
pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight
to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love
me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're
cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case,,,,I'm
gone.
Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West
Virginia together. Have a great life!
------------
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so
much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's
just too bad it doesn't work.
Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the
first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl",,,
but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say
anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven
years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because
the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I
got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I
hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
Ways to Turn a Man Down HE. "Can I buy you a drink?" SHE. "Actually I'd rather have the money"
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!!
HE: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice? SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must've been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Your face must turn a few heads! SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out! SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
Great Answers to Pickup Lines: Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman:"That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman:"Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Woman:"You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then why aren't you leaving me alone?"
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy: Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
| ||
| |
Here is some applied science for you. How Hot Is It In Hell? (A True
Story)
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his
graduate students. It had only one question:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Support your answer with proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So,
we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume in Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities.
#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
"until all Hell breaks loose."
#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop "until
Hell freezes over."
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese
Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell
before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still
have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot
be true, and so..............Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
Story)
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his
graduate students. It had only one question:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Support your answer with proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So,
we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume in Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities.
#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
"until all Hell breaks loose."
#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop "until
Hell freezes over."
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese
Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell
before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still
have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot
be true, and so..............Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.