Wedding Night

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An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.


She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.

When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked…and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. “What happened?” she asks.

“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”

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10 REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN GIRL

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1. YOU CAN ENJOY A BEER ALL MONTH LONG.


2. BEER STAINS WASH OUT.

3. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WINE AND DINE BEER.

4. YOUR BEER WILL ALWAYS WAIT PATIENTLY FOR YOU IN THE CAR WHILE
YOU PLAY FOOTBALL.

5. WHEN YOUR BEER GOES FLAT, YOU TOSS IT OUT.

6. BEER IS NEVER LATE.

7. A BEER DOESN'T GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU GRAB ANOTHER BEER.

8. HANGOVERS GO AWAY.

9. BEER LABELS COME OFF WITHOUT A FIGHT.

10. WHEN YOU GO TO A BAR, YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS PICK UP A BEER.

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Bihari ki Nasbandi

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Bihari :- Ai Doctorva hamari kaisan nasbandi ki hai re. Meri biwi firse Maa bannewali hai.


Doctor :- Nasbandi to tumhari ki hai pure gaov ki nahi...!

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Old Lady granted 3 wishes

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An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really, really rich." ***POOF*** her rocking chair turns to solid gold. She smiles and says, "Gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess." ***POOF*** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh...can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks. ***POOF*** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak. He saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered!"

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Horses Vs Husbands

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HUSBANDS ADVANTAGE:

1.Husbands are less expensive to shoe than horses.

2. Feeding a husband doesn’t require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.

3. A lame husband can still work.

4. A husband with a bellyache doesn’t have to be walked.

5. Husbands don’t try to scratch their heads on your back.

6. They are better able to understand puns.

7. If they are playing hard to catch, you *may* be able to run them down on foot.

8. They know their name.

9. They usually pay their own bills.

10. They apologize when they step on your toes.

11. No saddle fitting problems.

12. They seldom refuse to get into the vehicle.



THE HORSE’S ADVANTAGE:

1. If they don’t work out you can sell them.

2. They don’t come complete with in-laws.

3. You don’t have to worry about your children looking like them.

4. You never have to iron their saddle pads.

5. If you get too fat for one, you can shop for a bigger one.

6. They smell good when they sweat.

7. You can repair their “clothes” with duct tape.

8. It’s possible to keep them from “jumping the fence”.

9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition with a whip if necessary.

10. They don’t want their turn at the computer.

11. They may turn white with age, but never go bald.

12. They have never heard of PMS.

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You Love Someone . . .

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If you love some one because you think that he or she is really
gorgeous ...
then it's not love..
it's - Infatuation . . .


If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him
because
others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love..
it's - compromise . . .


If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out
his touch ....
then it's not love ..
it's - lust . . .


If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ...
then it's not love..
it's - inferiority complex . . .


If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it
would hurt his feelings ..
then it's not love ..
it's - charity . . .


If you love some one because you share every thing with him ...
then it's not love..
it's - friendship . . .

but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he
is stable
and you cry for him ..
that's - LOVE

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12 signs you LOVE someone

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TWELVE:
When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.


ELEVEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.


TEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.

NINE:
You smile when you hear their voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.

SIX:
They're all you think about.

FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.

FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.

THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number seven was missing

ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself

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Have a good day!!!!

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When I cry you help me out
When I'm happy you hear me shout
When I grin you know I'm really mad
because you are my best friend
You can tell when I'm sad

You're there in thick and thin
You're my best friend
You hear me out when I want to talk
You help me out when I get mad
You are the bestest friend I've ever had

[gree]So hear me out when I say
You're the light in my day
You are the moon in my night
You shine very bright
You are the bestest friend I have
and I miss you

Have a good day!!!!

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AN INTRESTING FACT

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If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is equal to

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26


Then,

Hard Work
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

Knowledge
K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

Love
L+O+V+E
12+15+22+5 = 54%

Luck
L+U+C+K
12+21+3+11 = 47%

most of us think this is the most important ??? )

Then what makes 100% ?

Is it Money ? .. NO ! ! !
M+O+N+E+Y
13+15+14+5+25 = 72%

Leadership ? .... NO ! ! !
L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P
12+5+1+4+5+18+19+9+16 = 89%

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our attitude.

To go to the top,
to that 100% ,

what we really need to go further... a bit more...




ATTITUDE
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%



It is OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes OUR Life 100% ! ! !
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
Change Your Attitude Š
And You Change Your Life

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funny message [Hindi]

Posted in

Dear

Gam ko karo delete,

Khushi ko karo save,

Rishto ko karo recharge,

Dosti ko karo download,

Dushmani ko karo erase,

Such ko karo broadcast,

Jhoot ko karo switch off,

Tension ko karo not reachable,

Pyar ki karo incoming on,

Nafrat ki karo outgoing off,

Language ko karo control,

Hassi ka karo outbox full,

Aansu ka karo inbox khaali,

Gusse ko karo hold,

Muskan ko karo sent,

Help ko karo ok,

Self ko karo autolock,

Dil ko karo vibrate,

Phir dekho life ki ringtone kitni POLYPHONIC ho jayegi[:)

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Hindi Shyari

Posted in

Zindagi hai choti si...
Har pal mein khush raho;
Office mein khush raho;
Ghar mein khush raho;
Aaj paneer nahin hai to...
Dal mein hi khush raho;
Aaj Dost ka sath nahin hai to...
Orkut pe scrap kar ke khush raho;
Aaj koi naraaz hai...
Uske iss andaz mein bhi khush raho;
Jisse dekh nahin sakte...
Uski aawaz mein hi khush raho;
Jisse Paa nahin sakte...
Uske yaad mein hi khush raho;

Bita hua kal ja chuka hai...
Uski meeti yaadein hain...
Unme hi khush raho;
Aane wale pal ka pata nahin...
Sapno mein hi khush raho;
Hanste hanste ye pal bitaenge,
Aaj mein hi khush raho;
KAL KISS NE DEKHA HAI...??!

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Small love story [Hindi]

Posted in

Gali se ek ladki guzra karti thi

Uske chehre par naqab hua karta tha
Phir bhi us par ek ladka marta tha
Shayad woh use dilo jaan se chahata tha

Woh use baar baar kehta

"Muh se naqaab hata do apna chaand sa mukhda dekha do".

Par ladki ne muh se naqaab na hataya Ladke ko apna chehra na
dikhaya.



Kayi din beet gaye ladki ko woh ladka nazar na aaya

Ladki kuch pareshan si rehne lagi

Kisi tarah poochte poochte woh uske ghar pohochi.



Padosiyon ne kaha " Mohtarma, aap ko aane main thodi der ho gaye us
deewane ki to saat roz pehle hi maut ho gaye".



Padosi ne apna farz nibhaya ladki ko ladke ki qabr tak pohochaya,



Ladki zor zor se rone lagi apne aansuon se qabr ko dhone lagi



Tabhi kabar se ek aawaz aayi....



"Waqt waqt ki baat hai pehle tumhare chehre par naquab tha aur aaj
humare chehre par hai

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I will sleep forever

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I really love you
So why can't you just see
Of all people in this world
You mean the most to me

If words were just enough
You would know it is real
But words cannot measure
How you do make me feel

I don't want no body else
For you're my only desire
My soul only aches for you
No way can love be higher

I want to tell you the truth
But I cannot find the time
I want to open up my heart
And allow you to be mine

When you are around me
My heart is beating so fast
If only you'd understand
I know that we could last

Hours feel like seconds
And years feel like a day
For when I am with you
The time just flies away

For you my love, I'd die
Just to prove that I am true
I'd pick out all of the stars
And give them out to you

I could rip out my heart
And for you take the pain
For then I wouldn't ache
When I hear your name

I'd run across the sea
Or fly far into space
Or walk on the desert
Just to see your face
I'd jump into a fire
And I'd run a mile
All of this I would do
Just to see you smile
If it was life or death
Death is my choice
I'd walk to my grave
Only to hear your voice

Every night I dream of you
And you sit and talk to me
When I wake I only smile
Thinking maybe it could be
I'm dying for you
This love will never sever
If you exist only in dreams
Then I will sleep forever




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I Luv U Jaanu**

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Poem Just for U

I wish i could wake up every morning
And see your smiling face
Holding you in my arms
Seeing all your grace

I wish i could fall asleep in your arms
Every night of every day
Feeling all your warmth
Feeling so very safe

Nothing could make me happier
Than kissing your tender lips
Hugging your muscular body
Feeling your gentle finger tips

A day without you is hell
With sadness and much pain
But i know that without you completely
I would never be the same

I can help but think...
How alone i used to be
How unhappy i felt
How i had sorrow for myself

But then you came, to save me from my pain
You have brightened my face, my heart, my soul
You have made me feel special, my heart feels whole

I never want to leave you
I always want you to stay
Because every part of me
Loves you in each and every way!

I Love You

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Little Johny at it Again (Cool Jokes)**

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Little Johnny's at it again.....
 
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
 

  *     *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *
 

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
 

*     *     *     *     *      *    *     *     *     *     *
 

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
 

*      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *
 

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.  "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."   Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
 

  *     *     *     *     *     *      *     *     *     *    *
 

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"   His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.   Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
 
 
 
*    *     *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *    *
 

If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile... Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too ya know!

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Indian beauty - Which one the best

Posted

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Fact about Dog

Posted

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead
of his tongue. - Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than heloves
himself. - Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who
are incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate. -
Anonymous

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -
Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise- Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money.- Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not
bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -
Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your
pocket and then give him only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

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Little Bobby write a letter to GOD

Posted

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted.

"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."


Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble
at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he
deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course,
thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior
over the last year.

"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this
year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike
for your birthday."

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for
my birthday.

Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him
a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom
that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had
worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby
went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if
anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down
the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to
his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!

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This way you can sleep during the office hours( Very funny)

Posted


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