Preeto Santa’s wife was going to her Parents and was packing the suitcase with need-full.
Santa goes to his friend Bantu and says, “She is so innocent and loving that she even takes the condoms with her for remembering me.”
1. Main 16 saal ki
2. Lip kiss nahi
3. Full open no
4. Dhire-dhire karo
5. Ooh mar Gai.
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin"
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with repidition. "MMM...his 'that one' is still new and hard.... all wrapped up in plastic, mum!"
Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex.
The first old lady said she enjoyed sex now just as much as ever.
The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was.
The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom, he gets turned on and has his way with her.
The second old lady decides to try this approach. So that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head.
Her husband comes into the bedroom, takes one look and says, "For God`s sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you`re starting to look like an asshole!"
There was a man who wanted a pure wife, so he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.
When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"
She replies "A cock."
He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.
She replies, "A cock".
He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but.... A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.
He whips it out and asks, "What is this?"
She giggles and says, "A pee-pee."
He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee."
He finally breaks down and says, "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."
She laughs and says "No it's not, A cock is nine inches long and black!"
Aapse nazrein to mila lein par ye to bataiye ki
Aap mein aisa kya dekhein jo dekhte hi deewana banade
Badi mushkil se militi hai zindagi sambhal ke rakhiye
Kahin is shama ko hum parvana na banade
Har raahi ko mann chaha mukaam nahi milta,
Jisko jee bhar pyaar kar sake wo insaan nahi milta,
Aasma k sitaro ki tarah hamare armaan bhi bikhrte rehte hai,
Jo apne dil mein hamein jagah de sake wo meharbaan nahi milta
Sookh Jaate Hain Lub, Lufz Milte Nahi
Hota Nahi Humse Ishq Bayaan
Unhe Kaise Bataoon Dil Ki Lagi
Kaise Sikhaoon Aankhon Ki Zubaan!
Pyasi nigaho ne har pal unka deedar maanga,
Jaise amavas ne har raat chand maanga.
Ruth gaya woh Khuda bhi humse,
Jab humne apni har duwa mein unka saath maanga
Tammana se nahi tanhai se darte hain,
pyaar se nahi ruswaai se darte hain,
milne ki to bahut chahat hai,
par milne ke baad judaai se darte hain
Teacher : santa, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Santa : You told me to do it without using tables.
an essay on a cricket match E-mail
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except our Santaji.
He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”
-----------------------
Santa : pehle me apni biwi ko BA krwaunga fir MA fir Phd krwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Banta : fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shaadi bhi krwa diyo
----------------
Santa: Main nikala gadi le k o nadi k kinare, 1 mendak mila uthe maine pucha oye ki sardar pagal hote hai?
Mendak jump in water
Santa: “Oye isme suisaide karne vali konsi baat thi?”
----------------
santa apne father k samne cigrate pi raha tha
Logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?
Santa bola : Wo mera father hai, koi petrol pump thodi.
Us Pyari si surat ka phir ek bar didar de,
tadap rahe hain hum yahan, ab aur na intazar de,
awaz mat suna, ae zalim magar,
ek kam se kam ek MISSED call to mar de...
------------------------
Khayalo ko kisi aahat ki aas rehati hai,
nighao ko kisi surat ki pyas rehati hai,
tere bin kisi cheez ki kami to nahi,
magar tere SMS bin tabiyat udas si rehati hai...
------------------------
Aapko miss karna roz ki bat ho gai,
yaad karna aadat ki bat ho gai,
apse dur rahena kismat ki bat ho gai,
magar aapko bhulna apane bas ke bahar ki baat ho gai!
------------------------
zindagi jaise 1 saza si ho gayi hai
gham ke saagar mein is khadar kho gayi hai
tum aa jao waapis yeh guzaarish hai meri
mujhe shyad tumhari aadat si ho gayi hai.
---------------
Uthetay hai jab ye haath dua ko,
Rab se tere liye hi faryaad karte hai,
Tum humain bhula bhi do to kya,
Hum to tumhe har pal yaad karte hai.
Since ur eyes are looking tired,
Let ur eye lashes hug each other for few hours.
Happy journey into the world of dreams.
Sweet dreamz...
Gudnite to u dear.
----------------------------
A famous writer said "Love is like a long sweet dream"
and "marriage is an alarm clock."
so have a sweet dreams till ur alarm wakes you up!
-------------------
Look outside its so romantic...
The cloud is hugging you,
With a cold wind,
The star singing for you,
The moon dancing for you,
Because i invite them all to wish you,
Good Night, Have a lovely Dreams and Sleep Well.
---------------------
Night is longer than day for those who DREAM
& day is longer than night for those who make their DREAMS come true.
---------------------------
Hi Moon!!! Dim Ur light...
Hello Wind!!! Breeze Soft...
Hi Flower!!! Blossom Slowly.
Hello Earth!!! Spin Gently....'
coz My sweet friend is going to sleep....Good Night.....
Logo ko aksar kehte suna:
“Zinda rahe toh phir milenge”.
Magar aap se mil ke Is dil ne mehsoos kiya hai ki,
“Aapse milte rahe toh Zinda Rahenge”.
------------------------
Tumhe dil main basaye rakhta hoon
Aur duniya ko bhoolaye rakhta hoon
Tumhe meri nazar na lag jaye
Iss liye nazarein jukaye rakhta hoon
----------------------
tere husn ko shabdon mein kaid kar raha hoon
jo rahe nakaam woh koshish kar raha hoon,
amber pe hain lakhon tare chamakte
ek ko is zameen par chamkane ki koshish kar raha hoon
---------------------
Khamosh Raat Ki Pehlu Mein Sitare Naa Hote,
In Rookhi Aankhon mein Rangeen Najare Naa Hote,
Hum Bhi na Karte Parwah
Agar aap Itne Pyare na hote……
-------------------
Tumhari is ada ka kya jawab du,
apne dost ko kya uphar du,
koi acha sa phool hota to mali se mangwate,
jo khud gulab hai usko kya gulab du...
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
--------------------------------
PAPA : vo kon si cheez hai jis k charoo taraf baal hotay hain
SON : papa may bataoo ?
PAPA :nahi tum chup rahoo
SON : may batata hoo ..... AANKH
PAPA : ohh haan
SON : to aap kya samajh rahay thay ?
---------------------------
How can you be that extra sure while making Love?
Simple....
Wear 2 condoms with red chilly powder in between them...
if the inner one bursts the male will know ,
if the outer one bursts the gal will know !-)
----------------------------
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye!!
------------------------
PAHALE HAATH MEIN LO,
FIR SEEDHA KARO,
FIR THOOK LAGAO,
FIR ANDAR GHUSAO,
TIGHT HAI NAHI GAYA?
FIR THOOK LAGAO,
FIR ANDAR GHUSAO,
KITNA MUSKIL HAI NA......
!
!
!
!
!
!!
!!!
!!!!
!!!!!
SUI (NEEDLE) ME DHAGA DALNA!!!!!
HA! HA!! HA!!!!!! HAAAA
| What iS gr8 love ? Its wen u hide tears n still care 4 her . Its wen she ignores u n u still LOVE her . Its wen she begins love another n u still SMILE |
| |
Love : Its not the "presence" of something which brings "meaning" to life, but its the way that "someone" touches ur heart which gives life a beautiful meaning.. |
| |
Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart! |
| Slient lips may avoid many problem but Smiling Lips will solve many problems...... so always have a smile on your cute-cute Face. |
Tammana se nahi tanhai se darte hain,
pyaar se nahi ruswaai se darte hain,
milne ki to bahut chahat hai,
par milne ke baad judaai se darte hain
Logo ko aksar kehte suna:
"Zinda rahe toh phir milenge".
Magar aap se mil ke Is dil ne mehsoos kiya hai ki,
"Aapse milte rahe toh Zinda Rahenge".
Ek admi bhagwan se : Bhagwan g aap kab khush hote hain?
Bhagwan : jab Indian flim main koi vilan larki ko pakarta hai.
Aur larki kahti hai, Please mujhe bhagwan k liye chor do. :p
~~~~~~~~~
Ek sardar NE apni engagment tor di!
People asked: Why?
Sardar said: she has no boy friend.
People said: so?
Sardar: Jo kisi ki nahi ho saki who meri kya hogi. :p
~~~~~~~~~
Ek kabuter NE sardar te bith kar diti,
Sardar : ye teri maa NE tenu kachha pana nai sikhaya?
Kabuter : saaley TU kachha pa k karda aein?
~~~~~~~~~
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U have 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR.
Icebergs in the Antarctic area sometimes have stripes, formed by layers of snow that react to different conditions.
Blue stripes are often created when a crevice in the ice sheet fills up with melt water and freezes so quickly that no bubbles form.
When an iceberg falls into the sea, a layer of salty seawater can freeze to the underside. If this is rich in algae, it can form a green stripe.
Brown, black and yellow lines are caused by sediment, picked up when the ice sheet grinds downhill towards the sea.
