After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .

The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."

The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."

He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I"

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my
spirituality. ...

I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.

I would not quit."

He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 Feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong
and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have
been struggling, you have actually been growing roots. I Would not
quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself
to others."

He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the Fern, yet, they
both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come, "God said to me." You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you........

Aamir Khan - Aamir Hussain Khan


Ajay Devgan - Vishal Devgan


Ajit - Hamid Ali Khan


Akshay Kumar - Rajiv Bhatia


Amitabh Bachchan - Amit Srivastav


Ashok Kumar - Kumud Ganguly


Bobby Deol - Vijay Singh Deol


Dev Anand - Devdutt Pishorimal Anand


Dharmendra - Dharam Singh Deol


Dilip Kumar - Yusuf Khan


Govinda - Govinda Arun Ahuja


Jeetendra - Ravi Kapoor


John Abraham - Farhan Abraham



Johnny Lever - Badruddin Qazi


Kamal Haasan- Alwarpettai Aandavar


Kumar Gaurav - Manoj Tulli


Lucky Ali - Maqsood Mehmood Ali


Madhubala - Mumtaz Jehan Begum Dehlavi


Mahima Chaudhry - Ritu Chaudhry


Mallika Sherawat - Reema Lamba


Manoj Kumar - Hare Krishna Goswami


Nana Patekar - Vishwanath Patekar


Raj Kumar - Kulbushan Pandit


Rajesh Khanna - Jatin Khanna


Rajnikant - Sivaji Rao Gaekwad


Rekha - Bhanurekha Ganesan


Salman Khan- Abdul Rashid Salim Salman Khan


Sanjeev Kumar - Haribhai Jarivala


Shammi Kapoor - Shamsher Raj Kapoor


Shashi Kapoor - Balbirraj Kapoor


Sunil Dutt - Balraj Dutt


Sunny Deol - Ajay Singh Deol


Tuntun : Uma Devi Khatri

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear " the rules " From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

***********

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

************
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

************
1. Crying is blackmail.

************
1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

************
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

************
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

************
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

************
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

************
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

************
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

************
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one

************
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

************
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

************
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

************
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

************
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

************
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

************
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

************
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

************
1. You have enough clothes.

************
1. You have too many shoes.

************
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

************
1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

************
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was
one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I
brought Daddy a little cup of "tea", which was just water. After
several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure
enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :) "Did it ever occur
to you that the only place that your daughter can reach to get water
is the toilet?"

It was a hot day outside..so the three nuns decided to take off there clothes and bolt the door to there church.

Since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked.

The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.

The shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?

The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man".

The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.

Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "Holy shit sister nice tits!! ... Where do you want your blinds? "

Dear Tech Support team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and
Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work
on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

"A Troubled User"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a
Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once
installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software
augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately
you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to
normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, weep 3.0, Cook

1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software.. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Good Looking Secretary
3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support ...

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every
step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not
be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"