Showing posts with label Husband and Wife Jokes. Show all posts
Husband: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?
Wife: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.
Husband: Will you let him drive my car?
Wife: Well, I think so.
Husband: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?
Wife: Maybe.
Husband: Will you let him have my gold watch?
Wife: Maybe.
Husband: Will you let him wear my nice suits?
Wife: No, he is shorter.
HUSBANDS ADVANTAGE:
1.Husbands are less expensive to shoe than horses.
2. Feeding a husband doesn’t require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
3. A lame husband can still work.
4. A husband with a bellyache doesn’t have to be walked.
5. Husbands don’t try to scratch their heads on your back.
6. They are better able to understand puns.
7. If they are playing hard to catch, you *may* be able to run them down on foot.
8. They know their name.
9. They usually pay their own bills.
10. They apologize when they step on your toes.
11. No saddle fitting problems.
12. They seldom refuse to get into the vehicle.
THE HORSE’S ADVANTAGE:
1. If they don’t work out you can sell them.
2. They don’t come complete with in-laws.
3. You don’t have to worry about your children looking like them.
4. You never have to iron their saddle pads.
5. If you get too fat for one, you can shop for a bigger one.
6. They smell good when they sweat.
7. You can repair their “clothes” with duct tape.
8. It’s possible to keep them from “jumping the fence”.
9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition with a whip if necessary.
10. They don’t want their turn at the computer.
11. They may turn white with age, but never go bald.
12. They have never heard of PMS.
My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place.
When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building.
Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti din bhar tumhare hathon me rehti.
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
In art gallery : couple sees picture of a girl covered by leaf.
Husband was keep watching her.
Wife : AB chaloge bhi ya Hawa k aane ka intezar karte raho gey?
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Preeti,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Sumit
*********************
Preeti's reply letter was also in Q/A format........
Sumit,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you.
**********
In a small town in the old country the Rabbi died. His widow, the Rebbetzin, was so disconsolate that the people of the town decided that she ought to get married again. But the town was so small that the only eligible bachelor was the town butcher. The poor Rebbetzin was somewhat dismayed because she had been wed to a scholar, and the butcher had no great formal education. However, she agreed and they were married.
After the marriage Friday came. They went to the Mikva. Then home to prepare to light the candles.
The butcher leaned over to her and said, "My mother told me that after the Mikva and before lighting he candles, it's a mitzvah to have sex."
So they did. She lit the candles. He leaned over again and said, "My father told me that after lighting the candles it's good to have sex."
So they did. They went to bed after prayers to get ready for Shabbos. When they awoke he said to her, "My grandmother said that before you go to the synagogue it's a mitzvah to have sex." So they did. After praying all day, they came home to rest, and again he whispers in her ear, "My grandfather says after praying it's a mitzvah to have sex."
So they did. On Sunday she goes out to shop for food and meets a friend who asks, "So how is the new husband?"
She replies, "Well, he is no scholar, but he comes from a wonderful family."
Train mai ek husband apni wife say: "tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon."
"dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon"
Samnay wala passenger bola: "bhao bhao"