One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

An employee walks into the Accounts office and says "What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $200 less than what was decided upon."

The Accountant replies "I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month."

The employee snaps back "Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report."

My grandfather has recently started a course called "Computers for the Terrified." He's nearly eighty and, although used to be an engineer within the British Royal Airforce, is completely stuck when it comes to computers.

He came back from his first evening at this course. When asked how it had gone, he replied,
"Yes, it was really good. I really enjoyed it, but I really couldn't get to grips with my mole."

I stopped for a second, completely puzzled, until I realized he was talking about the mouse.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu NE bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai.
Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, who Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to TU bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

CIRCUIT : Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe.
Mera Sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT : Nahin Bhai, who apnay chain pechan lega.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Munna bhai Style GD Night

 

Ab itni night ko apun tere ko
Kisi film ki kahani sunane
K liye MSG to karega nahin.
Common sense ki baat hai k
Tere ko GUD Night bolney ka hai!

Chal ludak Le..

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

EXam's song by Munna bhai:

 

"Chanda Mama so Gaye,
Student sarey jage.
Dekho pakdo yaron,
Ghadi ke kaante bhaage.
Ek pariksha khatam,to duji
Shuru ho gayi MAAMU.

Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

Wives r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.

Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice :

99% Sound and 1% Advice….

Laloo spoke in love, "Why don't you and I go to some place where there is nobody."
Pyari flirted, "You won't make any mischief with me there, would you?"

Laluoo assured in fright, "Not at all"
Pyari angered, "Then why the hell you want to go to there?"

A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work.

On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking.

The woman started yelled, "Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief."


The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.

In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.

The lady commented, "Seems, you had a profitable day at work today."

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
*******

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of :
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
*******

Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
*******

Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand.

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life."

Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including priest started laughing.... ...... but not the poor groom!

A lady at the far end of the bar waves her arm in the air to get the attention of the waiter and by doing that, exposes her hairy armpit.

Down the other end of the bar is a very drunk man who says "Hey, get the ballerina a drink would you."

"How do you know she's a ballerina?"

"Well, no one else would get their leg up that high."

One day you'll be surprised to see ME beside U.
U & ME laughing,
U & ME crying,
U & ME dreaming,
U & ME holding on,
U & ME…

Just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.

 - There is always a "DRIVE SLOW" board near boy's schools, but not near girl's college. Why?

- COZ vehicles automatically go slow.

A student In a interview:

How does an electric motor run?
Student:dhuurrrr

Interviewer shouts: stop it.
Student: dhurr dhp dp dup dup.

Once upon a time there were two cart-horses. They worked together for many years, pulling the cart of a peasant. Over the years, they often argued with each other, complaining that the other was not keeping to its side, or was going just a little too quickly or just a little too slow.

One day, one of the two horses suddenly died.

The remaining horse was very upset about this.

It realized that in all the time that they had worked together, it had not once told the other horse how much it valued its company and its faithful help in pulling the cart. Now the chance was gone forever.

The horse also reflected on all the squabbles they had had. It suddenly understood that it need not have taken offence as easily as it had done, that it need not have borne as many grudges, that it could have been less arrogant, in short, it realized that it had wasted all the energy that had been available for friendship and kindness on unworthy and unnecessary thoughts and emotions.

The horse was ashamed and resolved to lead a different life in future. Whoever its new partner was going to be, things were going to be different.

But time passed, and the horse forgot. One day, it caught itself in exactly the same kind of behavior that it had sworn never to engage in again.

The horse could not understand why it had returned to its old ways.

That evening, in the stable, the horse decided to seek out the peasant's donkey, which had a reputation for wisdom among the animals.

The donkey listened to the horse's story. Eventually, it replied. "It is good that you have noticed what has happened. If you truly want to change, this is possible; but it will, for a long time, cost you your peace of mind. Are you prepared to accept this?"

The horse replied that it definitely did not want to return to its old ways. Anything was better than that.

So the donkey continued, "There is one very simple, and at the same time very hard thing that you have to do. Remember every day that one day, perhaps today, perhaps many years from now, you will die.

Remember every day that the horse next to you will die.

Remember every day that every other creature you will see, will one day die.

Remember that all animals alive today are part of a wave, which will soon break and be lost on the beach forever, to be followed by a new wave, and another, and another.

No wave is permanent. The only thing that is permanent is the ocean."

There were tears in the horse's eyes.

The donkey continued, "Only if you remember death will you become strong-willed and alert enough not to postpone love. This is my advice to you, and in following it, perhaps one day you may come to know that which is deathless."