We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Anonymous

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the
plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our
language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk
with the monkey.

Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'

Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'

Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'

Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'

Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked.
"Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in unison.
"You do, Daddy!"

An elderly man went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra.

The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you please cut each one into four pieces?"

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."

The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"


"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."


So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male laking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"


One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

A little girl asked her mother,

'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered,

'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered,

'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,

and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered,

'Well, dear, it is very simple.

I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

_

Here are the top most reply of a girl, when you propose her...

1) Nahi.................???

2) Chiiiii.....Kitne gande vichar hain tumhare.......

3) Maine tumhe sirf ek acche dost ki nazar se dekha hai ....

4) Mera pehle se ek boyfrnd hai....

5) Main in baton pe vishwas nahi karti, apne padhai pe dhyaan lagao...

6) tum abhi tak mujhe jaante kahan ho ?Yeh shayad infatuation hai....

7) Tumhara bank balance kitna hai…??

8) Magar last year to maine tumhe raakhi baandhi thi ..hai naa..bhaiyya..??

9) Mein abhi is relation ke liye mentally prepared nahi hoo....

10) Mein apne dady se pooch ke tumhe kaal answer karu…??

11) Itni si baat kehne ke liye itni der lagaa di??

12) Ye donon ke dil me hai na, to phir kya kehna!!

13) Sorry

14) "……Apna chehra kabhi aayine me dekha hai….. L……………………………"

15) "Main toh tumhe apna Bhai maanati hu"

16) "Yes .. I too like you … (but hope you don't cheat on me ) " …
(Which we guys most oftenly do )

17) Phele kyon nahi bataya ab tum late ho gaye ..

18) Tum agar pehle mile hote to sochti.

19) Tumhari himmat kaise hui mere baare mein aisa sochne ki… (probably
followed by a slap)

20) Girl: mujhe sochna ka wakt do…
Guy: kitna wakt???(with hope)
Girl: saat janam

21) Mai ek shaadi shuda ladki hu ;-)

22) Mein tumhare chotte bhai se pyaar karti hoon…

23) Now that's a real tragedy….
Girl: Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……
Hee hee ……hee hee hee…..hee ….hee……hee……

24) Boy: I love U!
Gal: I don't think abt all this before marriage.

25) Keep loving I don't care.

26) Tum mere liye kya kar sakte ho…

27) Kaun sa number hai mera tumhare proposals ki history mein.
Ha ha ha ha….

28) tumhe is nazar se kabhi dekha nahi

29) tumhare barre mein kabhi aisa socha nahi

30) mummy se pooch kar bataungi

31) mere bhaiyya se baat kar lo , who hi tumhe samajhayenge

32) Knyo, Tina ne "No" bola?

33) Lekin tum to Mina ke piche pade the, Kya usne thappad mara?

34) Kitne time ke liye -???

35) Worst one-- Jo bhi bolna hai jaldi bolo mera beta school se aata hoga..

36) Thanks. I love you, too.

37) Boy :- Sonya, I love U…..
Gal :- Sorry , Next 3 Months tak Waiting List chal rahi hai….

38) "What?"

39) "Let's just stay away from this"

40) My friend in college got one classic reply … "I THINK I'M ENGAGED"

41) "I think, I will have better options in future ..."

42)Mujhe tumse is baare mein koi baat nahi karni, then she starts
ignoring, phir bhi nahi sudhare then she threatens via some common
friends.

43) My Boy friend is very short Tempered. Beware of it.

44) like you as a friend but I never thought about us like this…cant
we be just good friends for ever

45) Actually my younger sis likes you a lot. ..

46) My mummy does not like your family (if the family knows each other.) ..

47) "Why me?..Tumne mere meih essa kya dekha?..."she wants you to list
down all the Good qualities that you even might have not seen in her.
...

48) SLAP !! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS....it is said ..

49)hehe I didnt expect that from you....

50)nice joke ...

51)tum ladke kuchh or nahi soch sakte jaha ladki dekhi fisal gaye.....

52)achha tum bhi meine socha sirf harsh,nikhil,ravi, etc etc ko hi
mujhme interest hai ..... and then walks on.............

53)tumhe to purpose karna bhi nahi aata.... peheli bari hai kya?? koi
baat nahi mein batati hun???...

1: How come your husband is coming home early now a days?

Lady 2: Bcoz i have started a new rule.

Lady 1: What is it?

Lady 2: Sex will be started sharp at Nine whether he is here or not.

A elderly, single, third grade teacher was informed she would have to
teach sex education.

She was quite upset and refused the assignment. She didn't think she
would actually be able to talk about the subject. Eventually, she
changed her mind as the alternative was to be fired.

On the first day of school she drew a woman's body on the blackboard,
pointed to the chest and asked the class �
Does anyone know what this is called?�

Jane, who was sitting in the first row, raised her hand and answered �
It's called a breast and my mommy has two of them!�

Very good said the teacher. Then she drew a male body on the board,
pointed to the groin, and asked �Does anyone know what this is
called?�

This time Billy raised his hand. �I know what it is! It�s called a
�penis� and my daddy has two of them.�

�That�s the right name,� said the teacher, but I don�t think your
daddy has two of them.�

�Yes he does!� said Billy. �He has a little one that he uses to pee,
and big one he brushes mommy�s teeth with!�

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the
frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for
certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went
down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the
person�s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often
each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to
ear.

�Twice a day,� the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man
said no. �Once a day, then?� Again the answer was no. �Twice a week?�

No.�

Twice a month?�

No.�

When the doctor asked, �Once a year?� the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadn�t worked with this
individual, and he asked the man, �What the heck are you so happy
about?�

The man answered, �Tonight�s the night!�

Lady to Doctor: Baccha nahin hone ke liye koi dawai di jiye
Doctor: ye lo condom
Lady: Ise "Dudh" ke sath lu ya "Pani" ke sath?
Doctor: ise "Kele" ke sath lena. samjha

A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in.

When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast.

The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit,
you'll forgive me."

so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am
staying in room 117."

A mother hears a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom, so
she opens the door and finds her daughter naked on the bed with a
vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" the mom asks.

"I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest
I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.

Later that same week the father hears the humming noise and finds his
daughter with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest
I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.

A few days later the mother hears the humming noise coming from the
den, so she bursts into the room (quite annoyed) and is surprised to
see her husband sitting on the couch, watching TV with the vibrator
buzzing away next to him.

"What in God's name are you doing?" she asks.

"I am watching the game with my son-in-law!"

Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs?

Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.

If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes,

divide your legs and we can multiply!

1) Asthmatic - ah.ahh.ah..ah.

2) Obedient - yes.yes..yes.

3) Unsatisfied - more. more...more.

4) Religious - oh god. oh god. Naughty

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after
the procedure, he�s perturbed to see several doctors standing around
his bed.

'Son, there�s been a bit of a mix-up,' admits the surgeon.

'I�m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a
sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.'

'What!' gasps the patient. 'You mean I�ll never experience another erection?'

'Oh, you might,' the surgeon reassures him. 'Just not yours.

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she
took him aside after class one day.

'Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?'

'I'm in love,' replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, 'With whom?'

'With you!' he said.

'But Little Johnny,' said the teacher gently, 'don't you see how silly
that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want
a child.'

'Oh, don't worry,' said Little Johnny reassuringly, 'I'll use a condom!'

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked,
waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'

The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'

She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her
daughter walks in.

'Mother, where do babies come from?'

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and
Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their
bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the
daddy puts his penis in the mommy�s v*gina. That�s how you get a baby,
honey.'

The child seems to comprehend.

'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had
daddy�s p*nis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?'

'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'

Husband: Honey, when I die, will you marry again?

Wife: I am afraid I will. You know how much I hate solitude.

Husband: Will you let him drive my car?

Wife: Well, I think so.

Husband: Will you let him sit in my favorite chair?

Wife: Maybe.

Husband: Will you let him have my gold watch?

Wife: Maybe.

Husband: Will you let him wear my nice suits?

Wife: No, he is shorter.

1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2008 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

Dono ne kapde tyag diye,

ek ne desh ke liye,

doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven
Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to
him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here." The
astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed
your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese,
Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the
Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,
"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked,
Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinesereplies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the
same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition
organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian

Ravan decides to apologize to Ram.
Ram opens the door.
Ravan blankly stares at Ram & can you guess what he is thinking?
Sala kiss moonh se maafi maangu.

Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par Saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na Saab,GF NE Bhikari bana diya!

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their
car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either
have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign
pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down
and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the
two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he
noticed the new sign which read:

"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER — $50.00."

Ek admi bhagwan se : Bhagwan g aap kab khush hote hain?

Bhagwan : jab Indian flim main koi vilan larki ko pakarta hai.

Aur larki kahti hai, Please mujhe bhagwan k liye chod do. :p

Husband apni wife ka janaza Le jaa raha tha.
Janaze k aage ek kutta aur peche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi,

Ek aadmi aakar pochta hai : bhai sahab ye sab kaise hua?
Husband : is kutte NE kaat liya tha.

Aadmi : ye kutta ek din k liye udhar main de do.
Husband : peche line main lago. :p

Girl's Father: main nahi chata k meri beti apni pori zindagi ek gadhay
k saath guzare,

Boy Friend: bas isiliye main usay yahan se lay Jane aya hoon.

A woman at an embroidery shop: yahan gale milte hain?

Sales man: milte to nahi hain magar aap kahte hain to mil lete hain :p

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,

when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had
ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and
beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so
masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt attention,
and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her.

Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close
and whispered in her ear.

"I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice. "Anything,
absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized, for
fifty dollars. There's just one condition..."

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The
man said, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three
words."

The women gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition,
then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She
scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and
pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into
his ear...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"Clean... my... house."

~~~~~~~~