1. You can stare at any Girl.......
2. You don't have to spend money on her.
3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.
4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.
5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.
6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend isautomatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.
7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phoneto ring.
8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and"wrong" for u.
9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anythingaccording ur wishes anymore.
10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of agirlfriend and have a happier family life.
11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No moreendless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.
12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.
13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.
14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sinless.
15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.
16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with urfolks.
17. No nonstop nonsense.
18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.
19. No tension.
20. You can be "urself"
21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.....

Woman: Should I have a baby after 35?

Gynecologist: No, 35 children are more than enough!

Santa and Banta walk into a bar scamming for two-legged females.
Santa says, "Hey, check out the girl over there. I'll bet she's really hot in bed!"
He proceeds to go over and make small talk with her. Before long, they both leave for a one-nighter.
The next day, they meet up and are again scamming for anything that breathes.
This time Banta goes over to the same girl, pinches her in the rear, and the two were off for a quickie.
Fifteen minutes later, Banta comes back and compares notes with Santa.

Santa says, "I think my wife is better."

Banta nods his head and says, "Yeah, your wife is much better!"

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

1. Kiss on the hand

 I adore you

2.Kiss on the cheek

I just want to be friends

3.Kiss on the neck

I want you

4.Kiss on the lips

I love you

5.Kiss on the ears

I am just playing

6.Kiss anywhere else

lets not get carried away

7.Look in your eyes

kiss me

8.Playing with your hair

I can't live without you

9.Hand on your waist

I love you to much to let you go

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable......

Love is not winning someone but loosing urself to someone,

when you are loved by some1 it's not due to your excellence of mind
but due to purity of ur heart.

A sms means I care enough to flex my thumb,
search ur name,
wait for "message sent",
then think of you, smile & say,
"U are special!"......

We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them.
We say we love trees, yet we cut them down.
And some people still wonder why some are afraid
when they are told they are loved....

Slient lips may avoid many problem but Smiling Lips will solve many
problems......

so always have a smile on your cute-cute Face.

What iS gr8 love ?
Its wen u hide tears n still care 4 her .
Its wen she ignores u n u still LOVE her .
Its wen she begins love another n u still SMILE

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel
like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is
irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair
game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of
clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you
can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an
effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need
to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are.
That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is
more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that
the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside.
And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only
tell two or three people.

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's
final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up
tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family
member's death.

One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual
exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student,
and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Unki ek ankh itni khubsorat thi! Wah Wah!

Unki ek ankh itni khubsorat thi! Wahwah!

Ki unki doosri aankh bhi useeko dekh rahi thi!!

Lady 2 Dr.:mera beta motor cycle se gir gaya.
Dr:I don't know Hindi talk in englsh.

Sir,I no speak eng.
Dr.Try pls.

Lady:My londa gironda from hero Honda....

MANGO ka juice, CHIKU ka juice, ORANGE ka juice, TETI ka juice,

APPLE ka juice, PINEPLE ka juice, PAPITA ka juice,

GRAP ka juice...

Jo MSG na kare vo KANJUS..!

Son: kal daddy ke office room se PRAYER karne ki awaaz AA rahi thi

Mom: pray karna to achhi baat hai

Son: daddy to chup they, unki secreatry chilla rahi thi "Oh God Oh God"

A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm.

Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the
water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying.

"Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel."

Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's
go mister. Into the boat."

"I'll stay here," says the preacher, "The Lord will save me."

An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close
to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in. the water is still
rising."

"No thanks. The Lord will be my salvation."

Toward evening, the hotel is almost completely under water and the
preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. A helicopter
is spotted and on a loudspeaker is heard "HSir, grab on to the line
and we will pull y ou up. This is your last chance.

"I'm all right," says the preacher, as he looks heavenward. "I know
the Lord will provide sanctuary."

As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning and the
preacher is killed. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates he was
furious.

"What happened, " he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!"

Moments later a thunderous voice is heard. "Gimmie a break pal. I sent
you 2 boats and a chopper"

A police officer pulled over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her
hand signals were confusing.

"First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave
your hand up and down, then you turn left," said
the officer.

"I decided not to turn right," she explained.

"Then why the up and down motion with your hands?" asked the
officer.

"I was erasing."

A company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so
they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down
to three people.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the
same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best
answer would get the job. The question was:

A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side
with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing
the woman's back. What is the man's name?

After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.

The first one says, "My answer is, there is no answer."

The second one says, "My answer is, that there is no way to determine
the answer with the information we were given."

The THIRD one says, "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down
to two names, it's either, Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.

HE GOT THE JOB!!!

Kissing a woman

at her FOREHEAD is Respect
At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust

BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY.

"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"

Do u want a documentary proof ??

Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!

A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.

English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"

Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,

"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!

Dearest Ms Aarti,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you
since the 20th of October Thursday). With reference to the meeting
held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to
present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on
probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility,
would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation,
there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal
schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses
incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared
equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take! up
a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be
taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further
notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if
you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to
take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

HR Manager

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...


******

MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.


******

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."


******

WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of t he error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.


******

THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do
they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for
An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then
The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He
checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He
discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line
of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not
work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a
former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes
to the canteen!!!