DONKEY

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GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from
sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat
grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You
will be a DONKEY!'

The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too
much, give me only 20 years!' and GOD gave him 20 years.

GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you
will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you
will live 25years, You will be a DOG!'

The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10
years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to
branch you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live
20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'

The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only
10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

Finally,

GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational
being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control
other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20
years.

The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not
enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused,
the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY
refused ?'

That was exactly what GOD did, and since then:

MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30
years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back. Then,
when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the
house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires
and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from
children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren!

A penguin is vacationing in America. While driving through Arizona,

he notices that the oil pressure gauge is indicating a problem so he

gets out to look and notices oil oozing out of the motor.  He drives to the nearest town where he stops at the first mechanic shop.


After dropping the car off, he goes for a walk around town. He sees

an ice cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that

something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flipper/wings. He finishes his ice cream and goes back to the mechanic shop.  He asks the mechanic if he has determined the problem.


The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

The penguin replies, "No, this is just ice cream."


TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL IF A REDNECK HAS BEEN WORKING ON A COMPUTER




10.   The monitor is up on blocks.

 9.   Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

 8.   The six front keys have rotted out.

 7.   The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.

 6.   The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

 5.   The password is "Bubba".

 4.   There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

 3.   There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

 2.   The keyboard is camoflaged.

AND the number 1 reason is...



 1.   The mouse is referred to as a "critter".