Wife: Honey...... What are you looking for?
Husband:  Nothing.

Wife: Nothing...??
U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes,  thirteen.

Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?

Mrs. Smith:  Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of  my mouth once in a while.