GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
============
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
================
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
==============
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
=============
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
================
PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes.

No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window.

He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"

The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him.

To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"


Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.


"Sir? It's 8:45."

1. The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.



2. The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being
the first to call "back right seat", etc..



3. The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one
witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has
the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (note: if it isn't his
car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be
sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)



4. Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle
(including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the
way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may
a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is
considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always
considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.



5. A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never
be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the
first location. For example, one cannot get out of a vehicle and call
Shotgun for the return journey.



6. Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women
to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat.



7. One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for
himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the
friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it
for themselves.



8. The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the
right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.