If Men Got Pregnant...  

* Maternity leave would last for two years...with full pay.  

* There'd be a cure for stretch marks.  

* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.  

* Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.  

* All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent  effectiveness.  

* Children would be kept in the hospital until they were  toilet trained.  

* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.  

* They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute.  

* Fathers would demand that their sons be home from dates by 10:00pm.  

  *Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags.  

* They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him."  

* Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.  

* They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.  

* Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.  

Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife  

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."  

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Anderson had a baby!"  

"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."  

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy,  that's gotta hurt."  

"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"  

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of child-birth?"  

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"  

"Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"  

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"  

"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."