1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus
rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the
love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the
forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should
be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part
is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way
down.

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the
thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument;
it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every
possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to
show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the
guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he
wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets
carried away and says things like, "I want to rinse your mouth with my
fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male
performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who
can speak in whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your
face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic
moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause
permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be
prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be
asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love
it.

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he
does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in
peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with
out thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love It.
If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily
play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to
clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and
not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are
you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take
your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you
should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you
and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a
time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and
gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover
he's ever had most men have had so many sexual partners that it is
unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an
important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not
a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I
know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't
mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it
but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover
who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his
exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a
threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus
you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It
makes your snatch look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date.
At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to
trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the
Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to
ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it
out without savoring taste and gluey texture. You should play with
semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and
throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my
mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort
and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if a)sex
has lasted more than five minutes and/or b)you managed to achieve an
orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it
is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's
warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off
into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I
should buy that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There
is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain -
prostitution.