Three friends, one Bengali, one Punjabi and one Tamil were travelling
in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends
asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE ?"

First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali
started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep
aside it."

Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose.
Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. Through it".

Third and last turn was of Punjabi, "Wife is like a casette. Listen
it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".

Dhritrastra : hey gandhari tum dhanya ho tumne mujhe sau bacho ka pyar diya

Gandhari : nath aap agar andhe na hote to yeh kabhi sambhav na tha.

...............................................

Man goes to the RED LIGHT area.
Madame inquire:" r u married ?"

He replied :"What difference does it make ?"
She said:"We are here to serve the needy & not the greedy ! "

...............................................

Now tell me what is the similarity between a Bank and a Bra?

Student: Well the more in it better the interest you get.

...............................................

A lady requested the doctor"I really do not want children for a while
to enjoy the life. What should I do?"
Doctor said" Well then take this condom.?"

Lady asked again"Should I take this with milk or water?"
Doctor said" No take it with Banana!"

> People who do lots of work...
> make lots of mistakes
>
>
> People who do less work...
> make less mistakes
>
>
> People who do no work...
> make no mistakes
>
>
> People who make no mistakes...
> gets promoted
>
>
> That's why I spend most of my time
> Sending e-mails & playing games at work , I need a promotion.
>
>
>

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of
the road. It looked like fine marble.

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in
the sunlight.When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate
in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led
to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the
gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"?
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend,"
gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.? I'm
sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came
to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had
never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree
and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have
any water?"? "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.? "There
should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure
enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then
he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was
standing by the tree.?

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road
said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave
their best friends behind."

Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?

Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele
ghar pahunch jaate hai.

.................................................

Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an
opportunity to watch one of her movie.... The Movie came to an End.

A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself,
"Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."

.................................................

Santa & Banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?

Santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?

Santa: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

.................................................

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?

Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta
hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

.................................................

More Santa Banta SMS for U :)

Door open while bathing | Santa's wife dies | mother tongue |
swallowed a Kay | kill a bird
.....................................................

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for
Microsoft Europe.

5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to
lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than
100 people may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I
have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat
but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one
other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says 'Kem Chho'

The other candidate answers 'Ek Dam Majama'

When u feel God is rubbing u against rocks,
Don't think that he' ll ruin u down to dust...

Its just His way of polishing a GEM....
Stay precious,

..........................................................

Never be sad for missing whatever you expected

But be happy since god made you to realize that

Those expectations are not worth in ur life.

..........................................................

Luck is not in your hands,
But work is in your hands.

Your work can make luck
But luck can't make ur work."
So always trust URSELF.....

..........................................................

Gr8 opportunities come to all,
Bt many dont knw they have met them.

The only preparation 2take advantage of them is...
To watch what each day brings.

..........................................................

More Inspirational SMS for U !-) ( click on the link below )

| Ship is always safe | When your successful | Falling down | If a
drop of water |

| ENJOY TODAY | Life | Life is a one way | The most determinative |
Persistence matters... |

...........................................................................................................................

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

3. You know stuff about tanks.

4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5. Monday Night Football.

6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8. You can open all of your own jars.

9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at
every shot of somebody crying.

12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

13. All your orgasms are real.

14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you ... unless you're playing hockey.

16. You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go.

17. You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19. Your last name stays put.

20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that
everyone secretly hates you.

22. You can kill your own food.

23. The garage is all yours.

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."

26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

27. You never have to clean a toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still
be your friend.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship

34. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to shave below your neck.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

38. You can write your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

41. Chocolate is just another snack.

42. You can be president.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

44. Flowers fix everything.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

51. Foreplay is optional.

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.

59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever
thinking, "He must be mad at me."

60. The world is your urinal.

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's
about to leave you.

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64. One mood, all the time.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because "this
one's just too gross."

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

69. Same work...more pay!

70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's
population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

75. You don't mooch off of other's desserts.

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.

78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

79. ESPN's SportsCenter.

80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell
your other friends you've changed.

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become lifelong buddies.

89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a
hammer or throw it across the room.

94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.

95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

97. Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them.

98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice
anything different?"

99. Baywatch

100. There's always a game on somewhere.

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .

Local Sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more…

..............................................

I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me.
U cry, I cry.
U laugh.. I laugh.
U jump out of d window..
I look down n then.. I laugh again.. Hahaha

..............................................

Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.

Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?

Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

..............................................

A Toilet is like a committee meeting.

People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and
ultimately DROP THE MATTER.

..............................................

More Jokes & Funny SMS for U !-) ( click on the link below )

| The rain makes all | recovering fast | light bulb | Meaning of girl friend |

| really escaped | why confused ? | Stupid lawyer | listen carefully |

...........................................................................................................................

Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict.

It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side,
sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a
hitch.Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small
misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it
exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of
silence.

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a
man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he
said."Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could
help with? Could I help you?

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across
the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger
brother.Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his
bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us.

Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better.
See that pile of lumber by the barn?I want you to build me a fence -
- an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face
anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the
nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that
pleases you."

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get
the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter
worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering.

About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished
his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no
fence there at all.

It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to
the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor,
his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched."You are
quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done."

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in
the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter
hoist his toolbox on his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you,"
said the older brother.

"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more love
bridges to build."

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY...

~~~~~~~~~

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY
FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

~~~~~~~~~

A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

~~~~~~~~~

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

Yeh raat itni tanha kyun hoti hai,
Kismat se apni sabko sikayat kyun hoti hai,
Ajeeb khel khelti hai yeh kismat
Jise hum pah nahi sakte usi se mohabbat kyun hoti hai.

...................................

Har phool ki ajab kahani hai,
Chup rehna bhi pyar ki nishani hai,
Kahi koi zakhm nahi phir bhi kyu yeh ehsas hai,
Lagta hai dil ka ek tukda aj bhi us ke paas hai.

...................................

Har khamoshi ka matlab inkaar nahi hota,
Har nakamyabi ka matlab haar nahi hota.
Toh kya huwa agar hum tume na pasake,
Sirf paane ka matlab pyar nahi hota.

...................................

EHSAAS BAHUT HOGA JAB CHOR KE JAYENGE
ROENGE BAHUT MAGAR AANSOO NAHI AAYENGE
JAB SAATH KOI NA DE TOW AWAAZ HAME DENA
AASMA PAR HONGE TOW BHI LAUT KA AAYENGE

...................................

More Heart Break & Sad SMS for U !-) ( click on the link below )

| kitna bebas hai insaan | AAYE THEI TUM | Jina chahte hain | raaton
mein saara |

| vaade bhi dost ne | Jis din se juda | vo yaad aaye | Aankhon me tera ask |

...........................................................................................................................

Before Marriage - Agar Tum Na Hote :(
After Marriage - Agar Tum Na Hote :)

Before Marriage - Maine Pyar Kiya :)
After Marriage - Ye Maine Kya Kiya? :(

Before Marriage - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai :)
After Marriage - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai :(

Before Marriage - Dil To Pagal Hai :)
After Marriage - Dil To Pagal Tha :(

Before Marriage - Ek Duje Ke Liye :)
After Marriage - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye :(

Before Marriage - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge :)
After Marriage - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge :(

Before Marriage - Chandramukhi :)
After Marriage - Jwaalamukhi :(

Before Marriage - Kuwara Baap :)
After Marriage - Bechara Baap :(

Before Marriage - Titanic :)
After Marriage - Mortgage :(

Before Marriage - Hum Aapke Hai Koun? :)
After Marriage - Barbadi Ka Kaaran :(

Before Marriage - Yes Boss :)
After Marriage - Yes Boss :(

Before Marriage - Mere Sapno Ki Rani :)
After Marriage - Chutki Ki Amma :(

Before Marriage - Kabhi Kabhi :)
After Marriage - If you are lucky :(

Before Marriage - Aao Pyar Karen :)
After Marriage - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen? :(

Before Marriage - Hum Apke Hain :)
Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun? :(

A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good
as it used to be. What should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the
sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a
question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the
question until she hears you."

He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet
behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he
moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no
reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her
and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"

She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID
CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"

Brooke Hogan is certainly not afraid to tell her story. The reality
TV star now has her own VH1 reality show premiering on July 13 and a
follow-up to her 2006 debut album, Undiscovered, in the works. In the
celebrity entertainment business, the daughter of former World
Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) superstar Hulk Hogan should be feeling
on top of the world.

But a report this week due to hit newsstands tomorrow notes that as
far as Brooke Hogan goes, it's hard to smile when your family is
falling apart. She sits down with Life & Style for an interview and
the magazine reports that Brooke spoke candidly about her family's
ordeal and how she's coping.

"I'm up and down," she admits. "It's hard not seeing Nick." She visits
him three times a week, but with her parents not speaking,
arrangements can be tricky — and painful. "Sometimes," she says, "we
just can't handle being in the same space."

The magazine notes in the article that before things took a tragic
turn, Brooke and her family seemed to live an idyllic life. But by
the end of their VH1 reality show's fourth season, Hogan Knows Best,
the family was in shambles. Nick was awaiting trial for causing the
crash, and Linda and Hulk had separated. "Everything was going
wrong," Hulk told Life & Style in a June 28 interview. "My marriage
was breaking up, Nick was in trouble and I was way off course."

According to the report Brooke says she doesn't blame the show for
their downfall. "How can filming a TV show ruin your life?" she asks.
"We weren't forced to fight with each other. The problems were within
— it was all there. The cameras forced it to the surface because we
had been suppressing it for so long, but everything would have
happened sooner or later."

Her dad agrees, revealing that his marriage to Linda hadn't been in
good shape for a long time. Now, he says, he's had enough. "I spent
almost 10 years trying to be there for my wife," he tells Life &
Style. "She has an addictive personality, and it dragged me down. But
things are different now. I'm letting go."

Paris Bennett, 19, who finished fifth on season five of the Fox
singing show "American Idol," is pregnant, according to
StarTribune.com, the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune newspaper's Web
site.

She is expecting a girl in October, the Web site reported. Two of her
family members in Rockford were not immediately available for comment
today.

The site said that Bennett's mother, Jamecia Bennett, confirmed her
daughter's pregnancy but she did not identify the father. Paris was
born in Rockford but raised mostly in Edina, Minn., near Minneapolis.

Paris sang in 2006 at the Coronado Performing Arts Center in Rockford
and in 2007 at Macedonia Baptist Church in Rockford, where her
great-grandfather, the Rev. Perry Bennett, is pastor.

Ann Nesby, who was lead singer for the Grammy Award-winning group
Sounds of Blackness, is Paris' grandmother.

"American Idol" finalist Kristy Lee Cook recently signed a record deal
with 19 Recordings/Arista Nashville.

This will be the second time Cook, 24, has signed with the label — as
a teen she was signed but was dropped before she recorded anything.

Her album, which will arrive in the fall, is being produced by Brett
James, who co-wrote Carrie Underwood's hit "Jesus Take the Wheel." The
first single, called "15 Minutes of Shame," will be released August
11.

Cook will record the album this summer while touring with "American
Idols Live." The tour kicks off Tuesday in Glendale, Ariz., and runs
through September 13.

Miley Cyrus has revealed that she is likely to quit Hannah Montana
within the next two years.

The 15-year-old actress confirmed that she will continue with her lead
role in the Disney Channel show for two more seasons, before moving on
to other projects.

"I won't be Hannah Montana by the time I'm 30," Cyrus explained. "But
we've only done two seasons, so we definitely want to work on that
hopefully for another two years."

Asked about her future career plans, she continued: "I've been talking
to people about some cool movies, but right now I mostly want to stay
within my company and keep them happy and keep everything that we're
doing successful and focus on that. I like to do everything that I do
120 percent and unless I can focus hardcore on that, I don't want to
do it yet."

Cyrus recently said that she is now able to see the benefits of her
recent topless photo scandal.

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz have introduced a new addition to
their family, with the Fall Out Boy rocker posting a photo of a new
puppy on his official website.

The bassist already has an English Bulldog called Hemingway, who was
the ring bearer at the couple's recent wedding, with Wentz showing off
his new puppy on his website:

"the newest addition to the family.

meet rigby.

shes ten weeks right now and pretty much follows hem around."

The couple are expecting their first child later this year.

Oh it's on! We haven't had a good celebrity feud in a while, but
thanks to Pamela Anderson, we're about to enjoy a few weeks worth of
drama.

Jessica Simpson pissed off some folks over at PETA by wearing a
t-shirt that read "Real Girls Eat Meat" a few weeks back. And now Pam
has hit back with an outrageous insult.

Speaking on radio in Australia, Pam blasted: "I think she is a bitch
and whore. Actually, I don't know if she was talking about food or
men."

The teen mom reportedly wanted a natural birth to the annoyance of
sister Brit...

Details about Jamie Lynn Spears' delivery room escapades are emerging,
with reports that Britney fled the scene because her younger sister
didn't want to have a caesarean section like she did.

The 17-year old, who gave birth to daughter Maddie Briann last week,
suffered last minute complications when trying to push her little one
out, and doctors recommended she have a C-section.

However, Star magazine reports the Zoey 101 refused, insisting that
she wanted the birth to be natural. Her stubbornness angered pop wreck
Britney who told her to have a caesarean like she did. She then
stormed out of the Kentwood hospital and made a hasty return to LA.

In addition to all the high drama, new grandmother Lynne was allegedly
yelling at the hospital staff for not giving her daughter an epidural
sooner. Jamie Lynn also screamed at her fiancée and Casey Aldridge to
"Get the Hell out!"

Shocking allegations have emerged… that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon
may already be having marital problems. Say it isn't so! Who would
ever have thought a spur-of-the-moment wedding by two people who've
only been together a couple of months could ever, ever turn out badly?
Apparently Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon don't have quite the mystical
emotional bond that they led us to believe. I, for one, feel utterly
betrayed.

Is the honeymoon over for Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon? Just two
months after their surprise Bahamas wedding, the lovey-dovey couple
may be hitting the skids — thanks to Mariah's demanding diva ways.
With his wife wearing the pants in the relationship, Nick is rapidly
gaining a reputation as the most whipped man in Hollywood, something
that naturally doesn't sit to well [sic] with him, a source tells OK!.

"He's basically around to attend to her diva-ish ways," the source
says. Shortly after arriving in Oahu, Hawaii, where Mariah was filming
her new video for "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time," Nick, 27, diligently
played the part of personal assistant. He dashed off to buy her gifts
at Tiffany & Co. and Louis Vuitton, and when his 39-year-old bride
hurt herself during the shoot, he was right by her side. "He helped
Mariah out of the pool," an eyewitness tells OK!. "She looked like she
was going to cry."

Meanwhile, Mariah is taking charge of another aspect of her hubby's
life: his career! "Nick had signed on to perform at a sweet-sixteen
party before he and Mariah got married," an insider tells OK!. "But
now Mariah needs to oversee and approve his career moves. There's no
more silly Wild 'N Out, or small-time gigs. She wants him to do big
venues and projects. She definitely wears the pants."

[From OK! Magazine]

This isn't the first account of Mariah treating Nick like her
assistant. But the examples given in OK! don't strike me as especially
"diva-ish" behavior - like a husband helping his injured wife. I mean
she was in a pool at the time so I'm guessing the injury is something
along the lines of her false eye lashes coming unglued or something of
that nature. But Nick helping an upset Mariah out of the pool isn't
exactly an example of him being whipped.

Neither is his buying her expensive presents, with (what I'm guessing
is) her money. It's all about the extent and the ridiculousness of it
all, and that's hard to know unless we actually see the two of them
interacting.

Frankly, Mariah Carey has got a pretty great career, and Nick Cannon
is most famous… for … crap. He was in something. Once. And that other
thing a few times. You get the point. If Mariah Carey wants to help
him out career-wise, I'd go for it. If he wants to be left alone and
make his own career decisions entirely independently from Mariah, then
that's his business. But he may well want her help. Maybe they're just
using each other. And isn't that what marriage is all about?

Jessica Simpson revealed on The View this past week that she has set
her schedule up so that she will be able to make it to every Dallas
Cowboys game this upcoming season. She will be there cheering on her
boyfriend, quarterback Tony Romo.

Jessica Simpson is currently trying to make her splash on the country
music scene with her first album, "Do You Know."

That isn't the only thing she is planning though, as she stated on The
View this past week that she will not miss much of the upcoming Dallas
Cowboys' season.

She stated on The View, talking about their 9-month relationship that
"I still love him, I'm still with him, and that's a pretty good sign!"

She promised she will be in the stands for every Cowboys' game this
upcoming NFL season.

That could be a good thing, or a bad thing depending on who you talk
to in Dallas. It has been well documented that Tony Romo played
extremely poor whenever Jessica Simpson was in the stands last season.

The Jonas Brothers were mobbed by fans as they stepped out of their
hotel in Toronto on Monday, June 30.

The sibling rockers are set to kick off the Burning Up Tour at Molson
Amphitheatre in Toronto, Ontario, on July 4th 2008. The North American
tour is aimed at promoting their third studio album, A Little Bit
Longer, which is set to be released in the United States on August 12,
2008.

A Disney Digital 3D production crew will film the shows in Anaheim, CA
on July 13 and 14, for a movie that will be released in theaters early
next year.

The Disney Channel movie, Camp Rock, featuring the Jonas Brothers,
which aired on The Disney Channel June 20, averaged 8.9 million
viewers, doing better than High School Musical which debuted to 7.8
million viewers, but falling short of High School Musical 2 which was
watched by 17.2 million viewers.

A sequel to Camp Rock will go into production in late spring or summer
2009, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The brothers are also scheduled to star in a new Disney Channel's
series called J.O.N.A.S! (Junior Operatives Networking as Spies). The
show will feature them as band members who dovetail as spies, and will
include their youngest sibling, seven-year-old Frankie.

Wearing tight plaid pants with a white tanktop, Hilary Duff dropped by
the California Animal Hospital in Los Angeles on Thursday (July 3).

Accessorizing with a pair of cute blue pumps, sunglasses and a brown
leather bag, the "Lizzie McGuire" actress was there on behalf of one
of her numerous canine housemates.

Meanwhile, in career related news, Duff is scheduled to record her
fifth studio album during the summer months of this year as a
follow-up to her first studio album, Metamorphosis, which went triple
platinum.

As previously reported by Gossip Girls, the 20-year-old former Disney
queen is also set to star in the new comedy Stay Cool, in which she
plays "a sultry high school senior who tries to seduce an author
visiting her school."

Enjoy the pictures of Hilary Duff dropping by the local animal
hospital (July 3).

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.


MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."


MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."


MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
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*
*
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."











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A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a
nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick
and ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about
his life. He talked about his wife and 13 children.

"My, my," said the nun,
"13 children... You're a good, proper Catholic family. God is
very proud of you!"

"I'm sorry, Sister," he said,
"I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish."

"Jewish!?" she replies.
"Hmmm... You're a sex maniac, aren't you?"

Customer,
"I am getting an error on my computer"

Tech Support,
"What kind of error?"

Customer,
"It says I have a corrupted file on my hard drive, and I should
run 'Check Disk'."

Tech Support,
"Ok, we need to call in a ticket, and someone will be down
shortly."

Customer,
"Can you make sure you bring some extra Check Disks, because
mine does not work."

Tech Support,
"Uh. We're out of stock right now, but I'll order some."

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath
away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to
her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit
20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days
later, she became his stepmother.

( Women are so much smarter than men! )

There once was a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating delicious
fruit when hungry, and resting when tired. One day he came upon a
house, where he saw a bowl of the most beautiful apples. He took one
in each hand and ran back into the forest.

He sniffed the apples and smelled nothing. He tried to eat them, but
hurt his teeth. They were made of wood, but they were beautiful, and
when the other monkeys saw them, he held onto them even tighter.

He admired his new possessions proudly as he wandered the jungle.
They glistened red in the sun, and seemed perfect to him. He became so
attached to them, that he didn't even notice his hunger at first.

A fruit tree reminded him, but he felt the apples in his hands. He
couldn't bear to set them down to reach for the fruit. In fact, he
couldn't relax, either, if he was to defend his apples. A proud, but
less happy monkey continued to walk along the forest trails.

The apples became heavier, and the poor little monkey thought about
leaving them behind. He was tired, hungry, and he couldn't climb trees
or collect fruit with his hands full. What if he just let go?

Letting go of such valuable things seemed crazy, but what else could
he do? He was so tired. Seeing the next fruit tree, and smelling it's
fruit was enough. He dropped the wooden apples and reached up for his
meal. He was happy again.

*********

Like that little monkey, we sometimes carry things that seem too
valuable to let go. A man carries an image of himself as "productive"
- carries it like a shiny wooden apple. But in reality, his busyness
leaves him tired, and hungry for a better life.

Still, letting go seems crazy. Even his worries are sacred apples -
they prove he's "doing everything he can." He holds onto them
compulsively.

Loading the Babe meter.....

5%

17%

26%

57%

78%

99%

100% COMPLETE

Processing data..

ANALYSIS COMPLETE

U R A 100%
Gorgeous Babe XXX!

................................

I like U,
I love U,
I love U very much,
I can't live without U.
Plz give me Ur answer.
-
-
-
Romeo ne Julit se kuch yesa hi kaha hoga na?

................................

Sweet candies are very nice to eat,

Sweet words are easy to say,

But Sweet people are hard to find. My goodness… How did u find me …??

................................

Dil si cheez hai, dene ko hai de day
Magar koi qabeel bhi to ho

Hum to jaan de kay bhi khush hain
Magar tum jaisa koi qateel bhi to ho

................................

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

********

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.

Sacha Guitry

********

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

********

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

********

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

********

The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is,
"What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

********

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous

********

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henny Youngman

********

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

********

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

********

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the
second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

********

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash

********

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

********

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

********

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

********

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

********

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

********

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."

Anonymous

********

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Joe was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday when he walked home from
work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him
up and steal his money.

Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a
different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this
wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.

So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and
sure enough there they were.

He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a
broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor, shocked, asked him what happened.

"Well," explained Joe, "I took my old way home last night so I could
beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up
before I could get my shoes and socks off!"

One evening a preschooler named Krystal and her parents were
sitting on the couch chatting.

"Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" she asked.

Her father confidently replied, "Yes, I am."

But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added "Cause
Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?"

Sun sets, sun sets,
Day begins, day ends,
Still something has changed with time,
Which I could not understand for a while,
Because I never wanted to accept and realize.
But now I cannot run away from the disguise,
Those times are gone, those moments have passed,
What I have with me are just the memories of those times.
I know things shall never be the same,
Still hope never dies that we will be together again.

* To laugh until it hurts your stomach.

* To find mails by the thousands when you return from a vacation.

* To go for a vacation to some pretty place.

* To listen to your favorite song in the radio.

* To go to bed and to listen while it rains outside.

* To leave the shower and find that the towel is warm.

* To clear your last exam.

* To receive a call from someone, you don't see a lot, but you want to.

* To find money in a pant that you haven't used since last year.

* To laugh at yourself looking at mirror, making faces. J

* Calls at midnight that last for hours.

* To laugh without a reason.

* To accidentally hear somebody say something good about you.

* To wake up and realize it is still possible to sleep for a couple of hours.

1. What is height of Fashion?

A. Dhoti with a zip .


**************

2. What is height of Secrecy?

A. Offering blank visiting cards.


**************



3. What is height of Active laziness?

A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.


**************

4. What is height of Craziness?

A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.


**************

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?

A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.


**************

6. What is height of Stupidity?

A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

**************

7. What is height of Honesty?

A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.


**************

8. What is height of Suicide?

A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.


**************

9. What is height of De-hydration?

A. A cow giving milk powder.

1+1=2 my 2 eyes looking at U,

3+2=5sense missing U,

4+3=7days thinking of U,

5+7=12months dreaming aboutt U but

99+1=100years i need a sweet friend like
U....................

No word is as beautiful as friend,

and no friend is as wonderful as U,

A friend is sweet when its new,

Its sweeter when its true,

Its sweetest when it is U..

_______________________@
__________@__@
____________________@@
__________________@@@*
______________.*@@@@@
_____________*@@@@@
___________*@@@@@@
__________*@@@@@@@@.
_________*@@@@@@@@@.
_________*@@@@*@@@@*
________*@@@@@@@@@*@@@
_______*@@@@@@@@@@*__*@@
_____*@@@@@@@@@@@_____*
____@@@@@@@@@@@@@
___*@@*@@@@@@@@@
___*_____@@@@@@@@
__________@@@@@@@
___________*@@@@@@
____________*@@@@@
__YOU_________*@@@*
__ARE___________*@@@
__VERY____________*@@*
__SPECIAL____________*@@
_____________________*@@.
____________________.@@@@@.
_________________.@@@@@@@
________________.@@@*__*@@@

SHORT LOVE STORY:
　´♥`
　　´♥` There was a Blind Girl
　　　´♥` WhO Hate Herself
　　　´♥` cOz Of being Blind.
　　　´♥` She Hate every1
　　´♥` Except her Boy friend..
　´♥` 1 day de Gurl said
　´♥` that if She can
　´♥` Only c the wOrld
　　´♥` she will marry her bOyfriend,
　　　´♥` One day sOme1
　　　´♥` dOnated eyes On her
　　　´♥` & then she saw Every thing
　　´♥`including her bOyfriend ,
　´♥` her bOyfriend ask her,
　´♥` "nOw that u can c ,
　´♥` will u Marry Me?",
　　´♥` the girl was shOcked when
　　　´♥` she saw her bOyfriend
　　　´♥` is alsO Blind,
　　　´♥` & she refuse tO Marry him.
　　´♥` Her bOyfriend walk away
　´♥` with Tears & said,
　´♥` " just take care Of
　´♥` my eyes dear.
　　´♥` Ok........
　　　´♥ ,,,,,,,never fall in love

NEVER FALL IN LOVE....................................

One mid-morning, Joan and her 12 year old son, Michael,stopped at a coffee shop so Joan could get some coffee.Michael came in with her and spied the Chocolate Oreo brownie. Joan rarely splurged on treats like this, but since her other son was with her husband on a camping trip, she decided she would pamper Michael a bit and get it for him.

When he was half-way finished eating the treat, Joan realized Michael hadn't even had breakfast yet!

"Michael," she admonished him. "You need to take care of your body, and breakfast is included in taking good care.
Your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit."

After a very short pause, Michael replied, "But Mom, the
Holy Spirit wasn't hungry this morning."

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live"



Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.



After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,she was killed by an ambulance.



Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"



(You'll love this!!!)
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God replied,


"I didn't recognize you."

A Just Friend says..hi,..hello,..bye,...and walks away...

A Best friend always stop by your side & asks how r u doing ??



A Just Friend has never seen you cry.

A Best friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.


A Just Friend thinks the friendship is over, when you have an argument.

A Best friend knows that it's not a friendship, until after you've had a fight.



A Just Friend hates it when you call, after he has gone to bed.

A Best friend asks you.... why you took so long to call.



A Just Friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.

A Best friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.



A Just Friend jealous about your romantic history.

A Best friend wonders of your love story.....



A Just Friend expects you to be always there for any help.

A Best friend is always there, wherever you require any help.



A Just Friend doesn't have time in his/her busy schedule,

A Best friend always have time for you in his/her busy schedules....



A Just Friend phones you whenever he/she has some work,

A Best friend calls you often just to hear your voice.....



A Just Friend doesn't have anything to talk to you on phone,

A Best friend doesn't know...what all to finish...

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock
Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street
and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder".

Sardar ji to his friend: Yar bari mushkil main hoon meri bivi mujh say aik kiss ka  100 RS laiti hay .....

Friend: acha, yar to bara lucky hay doosron say to wo 500rs laiti hay.

Beta: Daddy meri dur ki nazar kamzor ho gae hai mujhe ek chashma la do.
Kanjos baap bete ko bahar Le kar aya aur bola who kya hai Bata.
Beta: Suraj
Baap: aur kitna dur dhaikhe Ga?

Shadi k pehle : I love u
Shadi k baad : aaj phir alu?

Shadi k pehle : Hero no1
Shadi k baad: coolie no1

Shadi k pehle : mein NE piyar kiya
Shadi k baad : ye mein NE kiya kiya?

Shadi k pehle : janeman mut jao,
Shadi k baad : jaan mut khao

Shaadi k pehle : tum bin raha na jay
Shaadi k baad : tum ko saha na jay

Shadi k pehle : kuch to bolo
Shadi k baad : kabhi chup bhi ho jaya karo.

Shadi k pehle : tum kab aaogi?
Shadi k baad : mayke kab jaogi?

Husband : suit bara sohna paya ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : lipstick bhi sohni lagai ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : Makeup vi sohna kitta ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : sohni fir vi nahi lagdi

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the
reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More Stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed
on his way to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

The place where a friend of mine works was going through the process of upgrading all of their computers. On one computer in particular, they had determined they needed more memory.

One of the senior partners got it into her head that they needed more "MEG." My friend tried to tell her that what they needed was RAM, but she insisted that the machine had plenty of RAM and that they needed more Meg -- specifically, about 512 megabytes of Meg.

He got tired of arguing with her and said to go down to the computer store and buy some Meg. She came back with an envelope
with RAM in it -- on the envelope was written "512 megabytes of Meg."

"The salesman tried to tell me the same thing you did," she told my friend, "but then he went and talked to his manager, and he set him
straight. Now go install this Meg."

God has Four gifts for u:
A Key for every Problem,
A Light for every Shadow,
A Plan for every Tomorrow
& a Joy for every Sorrow.
Enjoy GOD's gift.
Good Morning.

Gr8 opportunities come to all,
Bt many dont knw they have met them.

The only preparation 2take advantage of them is...
To watch what each day brings.
Good morning

Sweet like Honey,
Costly like Money.

Blessing like Shower,
Smiling like Flower.

Cool like ice,
A frnd so nice.

Guess Who?

O Hello!

Its you.
Good morning

Once Great Warrior Alexander saw a Little Child playing with a Lion,

He surrendered his sword at the child's feet.

Now da Child has GrownUp & wishes u Gud morning

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs.10 and that
Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs.
7.50

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.

"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5.
What's the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university.
It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest
daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even
further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at
my expense."