Man out on the town goes to a dance sees a nice babe and says "Man would I like to get in those pants"

Women says "No thanks I have one asshole in there all ready"

Thanks Stephen!

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear,everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup...gonna be a bear.

What flies down your washing line at 100 m.p.h.?
Hondapants

During a rather heated argument, Morris the husband bellowed, "You don't
deserve a man like me."

Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. A rumour.

The wife Sherry retorted, "I don't deserve arthritis either, but I got
that too."

"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends," the girl told her maiden Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?"

The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."